“Don’t ever feel alone. If you are sad, I am sad. If you are sick, I am also sick. We are going through all of this together. You are not alone…I won’t let you alone. Trust me… I’ll be with you…forever…”
I felt like I was drowning. I couldn’t see anything. Dark, everywhere was dark. My tears were hovering in my eyes and I yelled out: Why? Why? Why it seems that I don’t deserve to be happy. Where are You my Lord? Just watching me in pain like this? Just standing there and smiling at me from a distance? Why? What? What again that am I supposed to learn? Why it seems that life is just like jumping from one pain to another? Don’t I deserve to be happy? hiks hiks. I am tired! And you, just leave me alone! You are busy, the children either. They are growing up, they have their own life and so do you. And I? I don’t know where am I. Just go back to work and leave me alone! Hiks hiks… I bursted into tears. Frozen.
But you, being with you for almost 15 years, never I saw you changing, as always, you’re always there, waiting and watching, ready to be my shoulder to cry on. Because you know exactly the fact that I always need you, that I can’t be alone. Because you want to keep the one that you love, that God has given as your soul mate.
Lying beside me with your soft eyes, you’re just there, listening my angriness and pain. It could be one, two, three or many many hours, but you… just there, never tried to move on. You fight for it, to be always with me whenever I need, because you love me and you never want to loose it. Then when I am finished, stopped, frozen and numb, your shoulder were there, hugging me tight, and your lips, it was there as well, kissing my hair. The frozen in my heart began to melt, even then I couldn’t stop crying when I heard you whisper:
“Don’t ever feel alone. If you are sad, I am sad. If you are sick, I am also sick. We are going through all of this together. You are not alone…I won’t let you alone. Trust me… I’ll be with you…forever…”
I was drowning, and you were there, with your shoulder, words, and heart. You lifted me up from the darkness, and I am glad that you are always there whenever I need.
The day after, we found this quote:
Fall, And He’ll raise you to the heavens
Become nothing, And He’ll turn you into everything.”
? Rumi
Then you said: “Yes, you have to be nothing, Honey, and you will get everything. With all that has happened, He is teaching you, teaching us: we have to be nothing.”
It was so sweet like a fresh berry. You and I, our marriage are so sweet eventhough it has been almost 15 years. I am so happy and so thankful to have you, to keep our marriage alive, sweet and fruitful, but we all know that we fight for it. There is no free lunch. As Rumi said, in our marriage we also fall, but we fight for it. Then, He raises our marriage to the heavens, we are pleased. We nurture and grow our love and marriage together, we pray for it. You and I always asked Him to take care of our love, to be in love only with you, with our soulmate forever. Hopefully He always hears our pray, amin.
And I, even more thankful when lately I got addicted to Grey’s Anatomi drama series. Yes, in the beginning I was addicted, but then I got sick with their love stories. Meredith and Derek fall in love to each other, but then he cheated to a nurse, then came back again. Their friends, name A, slept with B, and C, and D, with the patiens, with nurses, with friends, and then got divorce, married, cheated. Even sometimes A and B, they are best friend but after got drunk in a bar they slept together and hurt their spouse’s feeling, etc. The circle was just like that and I can only say, OMG, what kind of live is that! Love and marriage are just becoming a dirty place, whereas love and marriage are supposed to be pure. I know it’s not real, but these days their love stories are real. I read that there was a study in UK revealed that medical students change their partners 7-8 times during their life time. I have been living in Europe for almost 8 years and notice that that kind of love stories are real too. Fine, yes it’s fine since most of them are atheis and don’t believe in God, but after watching that kind of fenomena and watching my marriage, I am so thankful. Thank God that I am not part of them.
Now I can see clearly why God gives us rule for our marriage. He gives love into our heart, He chooses someone to be our soulmate, and we have an obligation to keep that love pure. If we can do that then He will give us the real happiness. We are all human, and what are we looking for is happiness, aren’t we? As just in the drama, A slept and cheated with B, C, D , what are they looking for? Happiness, aren’t they? But for sure, there is no true happiness there. We only be able to get our true happiness in our relationship if we try to keep our love and our marriage pure as a snow white. It’s hard, but it’s worthed to fight, surely, because holiness is beautiful, and the true happiness is there.