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Happiness in marriage, fight for it

“Don’t ever feel alone. If you are sad, I am sad. If you are sick, I am also sick. We are going through all of this together. You are not alone…I won’t let you alone. Trust me… I’ll be with you…forever…”

I felt like I was drowning. I couldn’t see anything. Dark, everywhere was dark. My tears were hovering in my eyes and I yelled out: Why? Why? Why it seems that I don’t deserve to be happy. Where are You my Lord? Just watching me in pain like this? Just standing there and smiling at me from a distance? Why? What? What again that am I supposed to learn? Why it seems that life is just like jumping from one pain to another? Don’t I deserve to be happy? hiks hiks. I am tired! And you, just leave me alone! You are busy, the children either. They are growing up, they have their own life and so do you. And I? I don’t know where am I. Just go back to work and leave me alone! Hiks hiks… I bursted into tears. Frozen.
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Percakapan Dua Insan, Ketika Badai Datang

Badai itu datang lagi. Entah mengapa, datangnya selalu menjelang musim semi, menjelang umurku bertambah satu lagi. Dan sang badai tentu saja, selalu memporak porandakan hati. Harus seperti itu supaya bisa naik kelas lebih tinggi, kata pak Kyai. Badai, angin putting beliungnya menderu-deru di hati. Gelungan ombaknya menggoyah-goyahkan ketetapan hati. Tampang dilipat-lipat, mulut terkunci lekat. Tak hendak beranjak, maunya hanya bergelung selimut menutup tubuh rapat-rapat. Kalau bisa rasanya esok hari dunia ini tak perlu ada lagi.
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