Dear Lord. Forgive me. I am just too happy with my selves recently, and exited with what I got here. Now I am crying. I am crying because my husband just sent me his diary, diary of a single parent. Hiks Oh God how hard is life for him, but he is always happy, smiles, and thinks positively. He is the one who teaches me to face the world with smiling and changing everything in a positive way. I never saw him complaining, sad or sending negative energies, and he teaches me all of those without saying something. He even did not tell me his problems just because he was afraid that it would disturb my feeling and my study. Oh how lovely you are my Dear…and even though it’s hard, he still thinks that this is the best condition that God give to us. I agree, it might be true, but still, I just want to cry because I feel so grateful to have a husband like him. I do not know how my life would be without him.
It is about our daughter. We had difficulties raising her since she was a toddler until around 9 years old. However, she is our gift and we are so thankful to have her. I wrote some articles about her sometimes, how to raise a gifted child with discrepancy in social and emotional. We brought her to the psychologist, tried to solve problems with some helps from her school, books and my friends. After that, problems were really solved. We did not have any other problems in the last 2 years. I thought since then everything is okay, but… I am totally wrong.
I realize that there are two periods which are the most difficult in a process of being human– toddler time and puberty time. Now, my daughter is growing up and facing her most difficult period, puberty time! Of course, it would not be the same with other kids. She is so special and unique. During her toddler time, mostly I am who raised her up because my husband was busy with being a PhD student. It was a hard time for me to raise 2 special children with their each characteristics, abroad, in a country which has weather that sometimes made me depressed. Because everyday, ‘your friends’ are grey, rain, and cold.
Now, time goes by and life goes spin just like a wheel. I am here alone in one of the most attractive city in France, continuing my study, leaving my husband alone taking care of our 2 children. People might think what kind of a wife, am I? What kind of a mommy, am I? But, my husband never asked those questions. On the opposite, he is the one who asked me not to have a doubt,”reach your dream as high as you want, go as far as you want, make your dream come true Honey. Now is your turn. I will be okay taking care of our children, don’t worry.” And he always keeps his promise. I cried while I read his SMS when my son was sick,”Malik gets fever, but he is okay now. I am going to feed him and hug him before he is going to bed,” or another SMS,”I am cooking and cleaning the house Honey, I will read your ‘Epidemiology’ questions after this. (Yes, I send him my lecturer materials that I don’t understand to him, he will read it and teach me afterward).” Realizing all of his supports, I am always speechless, my tears always hovering in my eyes. No words could I say for describing his super huge support..
And now, here I am, reading his diary, his difficulty to raise our puberty special daughter. I am crying again, realizing how perfect God fits His plan. I read some studies about how important father in a daughter’s life. “Father’s are very important role models for their daughters, especially in the puberty and teen years. A father is the first male that a girl comes to intimately know, and he can set the stage for how his daughter interacts in future relationships, especially with men,” said an article.” Father’s can help daughter’s build self-reliance and self-confidence by letting her know she is special and can achieve anything she wants to. Daughter’s who have actively engaged fathers are also less likely to experience depression, become a teen mom, develop body image problems, use drugs/alcohol, or engage in criminal activity,” according to another article.
I am not there, but my husband is there, taking care of my daughter, in the perfect time when she really needs. More over, in my daughter case now, because she is so special, what we need as a parent are only a huge huge of patience, love, passion and logic communications. She is like a small sensitive philosopher. She always thinks far far beyond her ages. As a parent, I don’t have those requirements. I do love her of course,very much, but I am not patience enough. I am not smart enough to be her counterpart, but my husband does. Previously, when I was still with them, I often destroyed our communications because I did not know how to behave and answer her deep thoughts, and I often run out of my patience. Now I am not there, and my husband is doing his job as a father of our special child, very well.
The problems are still there, on going to be solved (hopefully), but I was amazed reading what he has been doing to our daughter. He bought her many many books, both in Dutch and in English, and my 11 years daughter gleefully reading those books. They are discussing’ Dale Carnegie’ book, that I’ve even never heard. They talked many many hours about something which is really deep, about friendships, live, the future, etc..etc. He gives her his limitless patience and love and his logical way of thinking. Without my present, everything even seems better. There is no worries. I am sure the problems will be solved, because they really fits together, a special father for a special daughter.
Now, I just could send a prayer, hopefully everything will be beautiful in its time, as His promises, ‘with every difficulty, there is ease’.
Now, I am just trying to hold on my tears, after reading my husband’s email,”please pray for me, so I can teach her how to communicate and how to be her selves. I am going to watch the movie with the kids. I love you. Don’t worry.”
Indeed, no more words that I could say…I am just speechless…
Dedicated to my loving husband: a special father who has been taking care of our special daughter.
Talence, Bordeaux,
20 February 2011