I had mix feelings lately. Actually I already feel enough and tired with what I did previously. I have several plans and want to move forward. But, I don’t know why, it seems that the universe has conspired to draw me back more deeply to the things that I did. I can’t move. I can’t refuse. I am just like a boat rower who wants to row my boat as fast as I can so I can arrive quickly to the beach. But, I can’t. I have to row my boat back as in the middle of the sea I saw many people asking for helps, almost drawning. I have to give them floats, and pick them up to my boat. Even worse, the dark and storm are coming. We need a light and compass in order to be able to move together reaching the beach. Oh God, should I row back and give them some helps? If I don’t have a heart, I just want to ignore them, just row my boat alone and arrive safely at the beach. But, my heart forbids me to that. Besides, the universe has conspired, for sure.
One day, I just wanted to start to move, but suddenly, one of my friends came in and showed me something. I read, read, and observed. I noticed that somebody has yelled ‘fire!’ on the crowd whereas no fires at all. You can imagine what happens then. People got fear and panic. I just looked from afar, and saw how the leader of this group (who said ‘fire’ on the crowd) was handling the situation. I believe that our heart is the best sensor for addressing a behaviour. I believe that ‘you are what you write’. I was a bit surprise realizing that this leader– who always mentions verses and hadith from the Quran and says that they fight for the truth, for Allah—used some bad words and curses to fight their opponents. I think, whoever we are, if we believe in God no matter what religion we have, and if we are a good people, we should never dare to use those curses and bad words. They said that they follow Rosulullah SAW, but Rosulullah never said bad words and curses even to his enemies, instead he just gave his love and love. From this point of view only, I am sorry to say, my respect has falled in down immeaditely.
Not to mention another things like how they spread misleading information and provide fear and confuse to people through cherry picking studies, inconsistent statements: mention some studies to argue their opinion, on the other hand they said that they don’t trust science and cursed their opponents. Oh Dear Lord, how can I just stay quite and do nothing whereas I know the truth is not like that. I do not care about them, but I care for other people who get fear and panic because of them.
It took me several days to forget this story. I changed my mind. I didn’t want to do something, it’s just useless. No matter how hard we try to do something, they will just like a wall. I felt that I just want to ignore, I wanted to move forward. Who cares!
But then, another day, when I have moved some steps, somebody suddenly put me in another place. Who want to be in that place? I don’t. What for? Who cares? I have no intention at all to be in that place. I was there just because somebody brought me in. In the beginning I just ignored the situation in that place until I realized that there is also somebody who is yelling ‘fire’ on the crowd. Again, I just watched, read, and observed.
The leader here is much better, using more soft words and seems more scientific based. It seems that all people here are so fond of their leader, saying the same things what their leader said (normal in every place tough). However, finally I found that again misleading information has been spreading in this place. No wonder, their sources of learning are one sided only, even worse from untrustfull sources. Fear has been created here. Scary information provided almost everyday, cherry picking information, only using information that support their idea, don’t trust evidence based, but in another topic they use and trust it. Mixing the fact and opinion, just trust what their role model said, don’t want to check who is actually this role model, and so on, were happened. It seems that it’s scientific based but again cherry picking and mixing, they don’t know what is a scientific based should be. I also am don’t know that much, but at least I know what it should be.
“No matter what,the important thing is to follow Rosulullah,” they said. Of course I agree, but why again cherry picking? They shouldn’t use mobile then or car, why don’t use camel instead because Rosulullah also didn’t use those kind of things. I will really appreciate if they are consistent with what they are saying, just like Amish group or Christians science group in USA, who are consistent to refuse all of the modern things, not cherry picking.
One of the other day, I even read that they were sure in the future they will win the battle, in the name of Allah. I was a bit surprised, battle? Battle of what? What is their aim? Changing the regulation in this country with their idea, their method, that hasn’t been proven? Ups, sorry if I am wrong, maybe they thought it’s already proven, although many people already showed several studies that their method is not applicable in all situation. As usual, they just don’t want to listen, instead of they feel that their idea is the only truth. Whereas, talking about huge population in a country, we can’t generalize, we have to think about outliers, we can’t just ignore this spesific of population. I will appreciate and support their idea if there will be a huge research and their methode is proven so they can change the regulation with their method. But, does it make sense? Is it possible? Research needs huge huge of fundings and resources. Who will give the funding if there is no scientific prove? Oh Dear Lord, why is so easy for people to say battle in the name of You.
My observation also said, in this place there is no opponents, all say the same. But then I reckonned that I was wrong because one day some opponents came out, accidentally. Hmm..it’s getting interesting. I watched how they behave to their opponents. I observed how the leader was handling the situation, and I still believe that the real truth, if it is true from God, has to be ‘rahmatan lil ‘alamin’: no bad words, no curses, create respects, spread love, using a good way, wise, polite, and so on.
Then, I was enjoying the spectacle. One opponent spoke out, some fought back, another opponents spoke out, people fought back again and so fort. I gave a high respect and learned from one of the opponent who was so polite, to the point and keep on the track. I thought the leader should behave the same. Indeed somehow is true, the leader used more soft words compare to the previous leader but then I saw blaming, inconsistent statements, and accusing came out from this leader. Ouch, what a pity. After a while, the leader came out again with the final decision that made me a bit shocked. The regulation in this place said that it is prudent to learn and to be open minded and open heart, on the other hand, it also said that it should be one sided. So, every statements from opponents are forbiden and should be removed. What? What is the definition of open minded and open heart then? Oh Dear Lord, I don’t think this is the way of Rosulullah. I don’t think this is the ‘rahmatan lil ‘alamin way. I don’t think Rosulullah used fear, blaming, accusing, inconsistent statements, not accepting other people opinion and ignoring other’s feeling. Rosululah always loves his enemies and used an elegant way. From all this point of views, then, my respect has falled in down, again.
Oh God, whatever..whatever…then I just try to understand that basicly they are good people who seek the best choice. They just don’t or don’t want to think in a big picture, just have too much fear that make them just think about themselves. They don’t want to listen and to believe that their decision and their way to create fear are dangerous. As I said in the beginning, it’s just like yelling ‘fire’ on the crowd whereas there is no fire. I realize that there is no perfect method, the method that already exist still has many holes. But instead of create fear, panic and make a ‘war’, why don’t spend the energy to solve the problem that still exist from the method, to sew the holes together?
Learning from the past and from other countries as well, I also realize that it is extremely difficult to change their strong believe, no matter how hard we try, no matter how we provide the best evidence. I don’t know and don’t want to deal with that issue. Let it be someone else’s task or let it be just like that and just ignore them. I just feel pity to people who are getting confuse, getting fear and panic. I just want to help these part of people as I have a chance to learn the knowledge, although I am not an expert, but at least I have an access, a chance and skill. I know which part is true, which part is not and where are the holes. How can I just do nothing if I already know and have all of these chances.
So here I am now with all of those story and feeling that I can’t just ignore. I already tried to ignore, but I can’t. Recently, universe again has conspired with another thing in my life that make the chance and the feeling are getting bigger, create another plans that I’ve never thought before. My husband said, don’t expect anything from any body, just be a light wherever you are, just do something, otherwise you won’t make any change.
Well, I still don’t know if I really should do something with this new plan. I can’t be a light without Him. I am just walking and trying to uncover the mistery of myself. I am just trying to read the ‘omen’ in front of me, what should I do, what He wants me to do? Uncover the mistery of ourselves, that should be our never ending task, don’t we? And…let’s see what will happen. I just have to walk and find out.
*Rambling mumbling with myself when I read some ‘omen’ to uncover the mistery of myself*