Belakangan ini aku merasa kurang produktif dan banyak membuang waktu untuk hal-hal yang ga bermanfaat, perasaan itu membuat aku desperado sometimes. Bahkan parahnya membuat aku tidak bisa menilai positif terhadap diriku sendiri. Nah kemarin pas lagi iseng liat wall fesbuk, aku liat note nya mba Ary Nilandari, penulis buku yang super duper produktif itu. Di note itu mba Ari melist dan review apa saja yang sudah dilakukannya selama 2011, terutama sebagai penerjemah, sebagai editor, sebagai penulis buku dan juga nara sumber. Dan list yang dibuatnya membuat aku terbengong-bengong, gileee produktif bangeet, membuat aku malu hati jadinya. Tapi aku sekaligus dapat ide untuk menyemangati diri sendiri. Biasanya kita cenderung meremehkan dan melupakan hal-hal baik yang sudah dilakukan, yang kelihatan seperti gajah malahan kesalahan-kesalahan kita doang, alhasil membuat kita jadi desperado, menyesal atau meremehkan diri sendiri dan memperbesar perasaan-perasaan negative lainnya. Nah dengan menulis pencapain yang kita lakukan, harusnya kita bisa lebih menghargai diri sendiri dan bisa menjadi cambuk untuk melakukan lebih banyak lagi di tahun depan. Akhirnya aku jadi terinspirasi ingin juga menulis seperti apa yang mba Ari lakukan.
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My wish for 2012
I have written 4 books actually, 3 have been published and 1 unpublished. The unpublished one was a long and painfull story, but I learned a lot though. That’s life. Some of my friends asked me to give the manuscript to another publisher. I thought about it sometimes, but then I decided not. I don’t have a willingness to revise and to try to publish it again. My heart is still like a broken glass, not yet recover probably or just too lazy to make a revision.
Currently I am writing another manuscript for another book, not the novel one. I can’t make the novel one because the ‘omen’ that came to me lately was so obvious: the universe has conspired and said that I have to change my plan. Honestly, I don’t like writing this manuscript, but I don’t have any other choices. I feel like I am climbing a very high mountain. This is the hardest manuscript that I’ve ever written. I become so fragile, break and angry so easy, and of course the impact is so bad: I am writing just like a walking snail.
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Read and observed to uncover the mistery of myself
I had mix feelings lately. Actually I already feel enough and tired with what I did previously. I have several plans and want to move forward. But, I don’t know why, it seems that the universe has conspired to draw me back more deeply to the things that I did. I can’t move. I can’t refuse. I am just like a boat rower who wants to row my boat as fast as I can so I can arrive quickly to the beach. But, I can’t. I have to row my boat back as in the middle of the sea I saw many people asking for helps, almost drawning. I have to give them floats, and pick them up to my boat. Even worse, the dark and storm are coming. We need a light and compass in order to be able to move together reaching the beach. Oh God, should I row back and give them some helps? If I don’t have a heart, I just want to ignore them, just row my boat alone and arrive safely at the beach. But, my heart forbids me to that. Besides, the universe has conspired, for sure.
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Taking Risks
“Be brave. Take risks. Nothing can substitute experience.” – Paulo Coelho
“You have to take risks. We will only understand the miracle of life fully when we allow the unexpected to happen.” – Paulo Coelho
I do not know why, but those quotes have been occupying my mind since I found them Yesterday. Previously, it was so me. I do not like status qua and I love taking risks. What Paulo Coelho said is true. I gained many many experiences because of taking the risks and I really enjoyed all of those experiences which are priceless.
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