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Yesterday, Today, Tomorrow and in The End

“When mortals are alive, they worry about death. When they’re full, they worry about hunger. Theirs is the Great Uncertainty. But sages don’t consider the past. And they don’t worry about the future. Nor do they cling to the present. And from moment to moment they follow the Way.” ( Bodhidharma quotes)

Yesterday, I had a Grey day. Then, my husband sent me this quote and I was touched. It reminded me not to worry about the future and to enjoy the present time, moment to moment. I’m learning to live in the present time, moment to moment, but I never know that in fact it is just easy to say, very hard to do. My thoughts, my monkey minds, always grips me, like a tiger grasps its prey.

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Will It Be Wonderful in The End?

I’m crying, again. Everybody said that I’m a  happy person, always cheerful and my live is perfect. But nobodies know about my sorrow, my problems and what I feel, except my husband of course.  I always said to my husband,”If my husband is not you, maybe I have got depressed and ran away from this country.” Even though I didn’t have money to go back to my homeland, probably I could do anything to leave my husband, to fly away as far as I can. Fortunately, God gives me a husband like him, a perfect husband for me. He just like an angel who can cure my broken wings so we could fly together again. He is  my shoulder to cry on, my ‘harbor’ for all of my suffering. Without him, I’m nothing. Without him, I’m drowning.

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Why Do I Write?

“Why do I write? Why do I write? Why do I write?,” Just like a bee buzzing around flowers, this question come up to my mind ever and ever again, wherever I am. Yes, Why do I write? Isn’t it odd? I have been writing for several years, but I never ask this question, this fundamental question. This question keep bothering me since somebody suggested me to ask my self about it.

Then, in a lovely evening, when my children was playing around me and my husband was working in his ‘laboratory’, I took a deep breath, lied in my bed, pondered to answer this question deeply. I tried to look for the answer, but my mind just kept silent and my heart didn’t give any signal even one clue. I waited and waited, hoping the answer would pop up in my mind, but useless. I felt bad and tired. Oh God, why is it so difficult to answer the question?

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Ndak Usah Ngoyo

Aku yakin, tamu memang membawa berkah, seperti kata falsafah. Keberkahan itu kadang bukan dalam bentuk materi, tapi pesan-pesan penting yang seperti sengaja didatangkan Tuhan. Semenjak pindah ke rumah baru di Diemen, setiap sekali atau dua kali sebulan, selalu ada tamu menginap di rumahku. Aku jadi banyak bertemu orang, baik kawan lama maupun baru. Mereka pun datang dengan segala keunikan dan pesan. Bulan November tahun 2009 lalu, rumahku bahkan pernah diinapi oleh Mba Asma Nadia dan bang Isa, yang sebelumnya hanya aku tahu lewat dunia maya.

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